Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Funny Stories

I have been hearing and remembering a lot of stories lately. Here are some of the really funny ones I have heard. They are all true stories.

My sister was in English class today and her teacher, Mrs. Cummings, was telling the students about funny moments in her teaching career. One of them was when her class was having a debate. They were split into two sides and while she was talking to one side, her back was turned to the other. While her back was turned, she heard a loud THUD that sounded like a baseball bat hitting a desk and then cracking. She was afraid to turn around because she knew it would be bad. When she turned around, she found one of her students knocked out on the ground. It turns out he had been so nervous about answering the question that he had locked his knees, fallen forward, hit his head on the desk, and knocked himself out. She was frantically telling one of the students to call 911 and another to call the principal. She called the mom of the student and told her what happened. The mom was very understanding, but then she told Mrs. Cummings, "That's ironic. This is the second time this happened!"

One time Josh and Bailey White were fighting in the back of their car. Finally, their dad said, "All I want to hear is the sound of silence!" A few seconds later you hear Bailey in the back sing, "Hello darkness, my old friend."

My friend Marcea just got an itouch. it is like and ipod but you can put apps on it. It is pretty much an iphone without the phone. She has a bunch of funny pictures on it. Here are some of them:


A while ago, while I was in my sixth grade science class, we were working in groups on a model of the layers of the Earth my group had been talking when we ran out of things to talk about and got quite. A few seconds later a boy in my group named Sander Kusion said, "My parents were tempted to name me whoopy." We all started cracking up and could not stop until the end of class. If you don't get it then just look back at the name of the guy who said it.

This story is about the same boy, Sander, in the same class, science. My science teacher, Mr. Demers, was trying to get someone to say the word fissures, which was the answer to the question he was asking. He said, " Come on guys! What's the F word?" almost immediately Sander's hand shot up into the air. Mr. Demers then said, "Wait! Not that kind! But Sander, promise me that if you don't become a scientist when you grow up, then please be a comedian."

I was in a summer class for orchestra. We had class every Thursday, but we were going to have one week off. Our teacher, Mr. Benefield, made the first chair violinist say, "I have no class next week." Almost immediately, a girl named Alyssa Weyland started laughing. Mr. Benefield said, "Raise your hand if you get it." Most of the class raised their hands, but it took a while for some people to figure it out. Do YOU get it?

My cousins, Brooklynn and Kelsey (from an earlier post), were over at my house. My sister decided to play a few songs on the piano. The girls were making requests for songs like "Take me Out to the Ball Game" which they happily sang to. When it came time to make another request, Kelsey went over to my sister and asked her if she could play the song "Yippee Ki Yay Mini Sirloin Burgers". For those of you who don't know, this was a Jack in the Box commercial for mini burgers. It has mini cowboys riding mini horses and herding mini cows while singing about the new mini sirloin burgers. It was quite hilarious.

My dad was supposed to be taking pills to help him improve his memory. He was telling his friends about them, but when he was trying to tell them what they were called, he couldn't remember. (Can you see where this is going?) He asked my mom, who told him, and then he continued talking to his friends about them. After that, he said, "Yeah! They're great! The only problem is that I keep forgetting to take them."

It was my uncle's birthday, so we went over to his house to celebrate. We were opening presents and he got one from his mother in law. When he opened it, it turned out to be an air freshener spray called "After That". I always think it's times like that where you have to wonder whether to say thank you or be insulted.

Last night I was humming the presidential song. My mom said, "Did you know that was in a movie? The president wanted to know the words to it, but no one knew them. He decided that he was going to make some up. He finally decided that the words would be 'Hail to the Chief! I'm the chief and I need hailing.' " (OK. I know you are all humming this in your head know.) My sister and I were laughing very hard for a while after.

My sister's friend, Ryan, was over to hang out. He came into the house and walked past the picture of Jesus in our hallway, pointed to it, and said, "Look! It's John Smith!" My mom walked by and said, "Your close Ryan! That's Jesus."

Monday, September 21, 2009

Music

You know how I have a music player on my side bar? Well I'm trying to decide what music to put on it. Since you guys are the ones who will be listening to it, I figured that I would ask you what your favorite music is and then put that music on it. In other words, please comment and tell me what your favorite music is!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

School

Does anyone else's school get homework on the first day? I got an hour of homework today. Is it just me or does my school seem crazy? I mean, I'm only a seventh grader! If we got this much homework on the first day, I can't even imagine what the homework will be like later in the year! My science teacher even said that we would have more homework than we had in sixth grade, when I had about 2-3 hours a night! Let's just say that the future of this school year does NOT look bright.Did I mention that I have literally almost 100 math questions for homework on Thursday? This is going to stink. :-( On the bright side (This will probably only be exciting to those of you who are LDS.) I was interviewed by my bishop today and graduated into young women's!! I got the For Strength of Youth pamphlet and everything! My birthday is not until the 16th, so I can't say the article of faith in sacrament or go to young women's until the twentieth, but this means that I am just two weeks away! I can't wait!!!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Help Support the Animal Shelter!!

Slide Seven on this doesn't really work, but if you just press the button at the bottom to go to the next slide, slide 8 works.


Sunday, June 28, 2009

Texting


It seems like my generation has become obsessed with texting. No one talks anymore. My sister cannot even go 10 minutes without texting someone. I know all of the texting language, but I don't text very often. I just call my friends on the phone! To prove my point, my mom was looking over the phone bills. We have unlimited texting, but she just wanted to see how much my sister and I had texted. It turns out my sister had sent... 3373 texts!!!! That's absolutely crazy. I sent a total of 22 texts. Your probably thinking that you would have to spend all day texting to reach that high a number. Well, my sister texts all day for sure. She also usually texts until about 10 at night, but she sometimes goes longer and texts until 11 or later. The craziest part is that she will be texting tons of people at that time of night. All of her friends are awake at that time and texting! My grandma said that when kids my age are in college we will all be typing our essays will our thumbs. Maybe that's a little extreme, but people do text WAY to much! Why can't kids just, oh I don't know... TALK!!!!! It is seriously annoying when instead of just calling me, people send me really long texts and since our phones can only send 160 letters at a time they will have to send me many short texts to have a conversation which actually takes longer than just picking up the phone and calling me! I can't stand it! So, if you are reading this and thinking about texting me, ok, but don't send me a bunch of short texts to tell me a long story!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Chain Emails

About midway through the school year I gave a bunch of my friends my email address, not knowing that they send emails ALL the time. They mostly send me chain emails. Most of the emails are pretty lame, but occasionally I'll get a good one. This is one of those ones that I like:

FAKE FRIENDS VERSUS REAL FRIENDS

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. / Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: have never seen you cry

REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back

REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you

REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say 'I'M HOME!'!

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life

FAKE FRIENDS: will talk bad to the person who talks bad about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Will knock the person out that talked bad about you

FAKE FRIENDS: Would ignore this

REAL FRIENDS: Will send this to all their real friends and hope to get it back!

If you were killed today, I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to come to your

funeral, because I'd be in jail for killing the person who did it.



Friday, June 26, 2009

Hey There Khalilah

One of my mom's friends, Nathan Crook, left a comment saying that when he went to the blog "Hey There Delilah" was playing and it reminded him of a video on YouTube called "Hey There Khalilah". If you havn't heard "Hey There Delilah", you can listen to it on the music player on the side bar. I looked and the video and thought it was pretty entertaining, so here it is:

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Vegetable Garden

A little while ago my family decided that we wanted to grow vegetables. We havn't been able to do this before since we pretty mush just feed the rabbits, birds, and other animals that live around our house. We are still not sure our little project will work, but we built a planter box and planted stuff in there. To make this "easy" project more difficult, all of the stuff we planted is out of season, so we are just hoping that SOMETHING vegetablish will grow. We planted spinach, lettuce, zuccini, carrots, peas, tomatos, and maybe some other stuff that I just don't remember. I don't have any pictures of it yet, but it's pretty much just dirt right now. I'll post some pictures when they at least start growing.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Rubix Cube



I know what your thinking if you read my post from yesterday. How am I posting if I am at Girls' Camp? Well, I didn't want you to get bored so I scheduled some posts to publish while I was gone. Anyways, my post is about Rubix Cubes. Does anyone know how to do a Rubix Cube? I can get one side, but after that I am clueless. If you know an easy or at least sort of easy way to solve a Rubix Cube please comment and let me know!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Girls' Camp

For church we do something called girls camp which is when all the girls ages 12-18 get to go camp. I'm not 12 yet, but if you are going into 7th grade you still get to go. It's going to be so much fun! we are leaving tomorrow to go up to the beach. We pretty much just hang out and learn about first aid, the outdoors, and other stuff like that. We are going to go horse back riding, swimming, and performing our skits about this year's theme, Life is Swell. I promise I will post pictures when I get back!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Kelsey and Brookelynn


On the 20th, we had my cousins Kelsey (left) and Brookelynn (right) over. Kelsey is three and Brookelynn is turning two in a week. As you can imagine, they did some pretty cute stuff while they were here. The first of these things was when they wanted to perform the song "God Bless America" for us. Just in time, my sister grabbed her camera and started recording it.


After Kelsey was finished singing, we got a second performance from just Brookelynn. She only knew some of the words and kept repeating them over and over, but it was just so cute!


My mom has been saying that we need to figure out a way to keep exercising over the summer, so My sis and I figured that having our cousins over was a pretty fun way to do it. How is this exercise? Well, between whoosh (hold them by their arms and swing them into the air), swing (hold them by their arms and twirl them in a circle), horsey rides (sit them on our backs and walk around on our hands and knees), running around for hide and go seek, hot air balloon (wrap them up in a towel and carry them around in it), and pulling them up and down our long hallway on a towel, I think we got a pretty good work out! Here are a few pictures we took of the day's activities:

This is me and my friend Marcea carrying Brookelynn down the stairs. For some reason, the girls only liked being carried up and down the stairs. (The guy in the background is Jonas, Marcea''s brother.)

This is us holding Brookelynn again. This time she wanted to look out the "window" in her hot air balloon for the picture.
This one is Kelsey, happy to finally get her turn on the balloon. She had been waiting very patiently and watching her sister.
Unlike Brookelynn, Kelsey wouldn't look out the window no matter how many times we asked her to, but the back of her head is pretty cute too. :-)
This is the only picture we got of the towel pull. Kelsey is still trying to get onto the towel. We put them both on the towel and pulled at first, but got tired after about two times, so we made them go one at a time, which they didn't really get until we started pulling when only one was on and the other was left behind. Then they got what we were doing and waited eagerly for their turn.This is me giving a horsey ride to Kelsey.
This one is my sister giving a horsey ride to Brookelynn.

This one's me and Marcea giving Brookelynn another Hot Air Balloon ride.
They are SOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Align Center

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Fathers' Day!

Webfetti.com



Webfetti.com



Dear Dad,
Thanks for being such an awesome dad. Considering I turned out so fabulous and awesome (and humble) I guess you did a pretty great job. I can't imagine life with any other dad than you. I hope you enjoy your special holiday!
Love,
Sierra

Webfetti.com



Webfetti.com

Saturday, June 20, 2009

GIANT Pumpkin

Yesterday I got seeds for a GIANT pumpkin. They grow a pumpkin that is 400 pounds!!!! That is ridiculous! What do you do with a pumpkin that big? If it is big enough by Halloween I want to put it at the top of the driveway, although it will have to grow pretty fast to be 400 pounds by then. That's over a pound of pumpkin a day. I'll be sure to keep you updated on the progress of this monster of a pumpkin.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Summer!!!!!


School finally ended yesterday and today was my first day that I got to sleep in! That's pretty much the thing I look forward to most about summer although the fact that there is no homework is pretty nice too. The point is that since there is no more school I will have more free time. Since I like math, here is my equation: no homework + no school= more time to blog. In other words, I can get back to blogging. I promise I will try to blog more than I usually do (which should be easy considering I don't usually have time to blog at all) for the next three months.

Bill Gates' Rules for Life

These are Bill Gates' Rules for Life. My favorite is number eleven.

RULE 1
Life is not fair - get used to it.

RULE 2
The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world
will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel
good about yourself.

RULE 3
You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out
of high school. You won't be a vice president with
car phone, until you earn both.

RULE 4
If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a
boss. He doesn't have tenure.

RULE 5
Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
grandparents had a different word for burger flipping
they
called it Opportunity.

RULE 6
If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't
whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

RULE 7
Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as
they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about
how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation, try
delousing the closet in your own room.


RULE 8
Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life has not. In some schools they have abolished
failing grades and they'll give you as many times as
you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the
slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

RULE 9
Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get
summers off and very few employers are interested in
helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

RULE 10
Television is NOT real life. In real life people
actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

RULE 11
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for
one.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Igudsman and Joo

These guys are hilarious! They are also really talented.











Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Happy Birthday Grandma Molly!!!!!!!!


Webfetti.com



Webfetti.com




Thanks for being such a wonderful grandma!
I love you!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Kentucky Fried Cruelty!!!

KFC abuses their chickens!!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Brain Teasers

If you have the answers, you can leave a comment or email the answers to me at julander@cox.net.


ANSWERS


1. The trains were crossing the bridge at different times during the morning.

2. First you would freeze the water in one or both jugs, them take the jug away, leaving only the ice.

3. Mount Everest

4. The peasant took one of the pieces of paper and tore it up. He then asked the king to show him the other piece of paper which, of course, said exile. The king, not wishing to appear fraudulent in front of his subjects, granted that the piece of paper the peasant picked must have said marriage.

5. The word wrong

Brain Teasers

1. There was an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show. One of them was the father of the other one's son. How could this be possible?

2. It happened in midtown Manhattan during the July 4th celebrations, that Sam Slug walked several miles from West 63rd street without seeing anyone or being seen by anyone. It was a clear sunny day and he could see where he was going. He did not use any disguise or unusual method of transportation. Even though Manhattan was swarming with people, not one person saw him. How could this be possible?

3. Mel Colly stared though the dirty, soot-smeared window on the 26th floor of the office tower. Overcome with depression, he slid the window open and jumped through it. It was a sheer drop outside the building to the ground. Miraculously, after he landed, he was completely unhurt. Since there was nothing to cushion his fall or slow his decent, how could he have survived?

4. The day before yesterday, Suzie was nine years old. Next year she will be twelve. How is this possible?

5. Jed Recluse lived alone and preferred it that way. Jed never had any visitors and he never visited anyone. Since Jed never left his house, it was necessary to have supplies delivered every two weeks. One dark and stormy night, Jed lost control of his senses, turned off all the lights, and went to sleep. The next morning it was discovered that Jed's actions resulted in the deaths of several people. Why?

Friday, February 13, 2009

More Brain Teasers

I keep running out of things to write about, so I guess I'll just start doing more brain teasers. Every time I do more brain teasers I'll put the answers to the last teasers too.

ANSWERS

1. You would be Jason's son.

2. Luckily for the dog, it was daylight.

3. The match.

4.The professor was driving a motorcycle.

5. The word ton.


Now for today's brain teasers. :-)

1. Two train tracks run parallel to each other, except for a short distance where they meet and become one track over a narrow bridge. One morning, a train speeds onto the bridge. Another train coming from the opposite direction also speeds onto the bridge. Neither train can stop on the short bridge, yet there is no collision. How is this possible?

2.There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

3.Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on earth?

4.A young peasant wanted to marry the king's daughter. The king didn't like the idea of his daughter marrying a peasant, but he wanted to appear fair in front of his subjects. The king said that he would put two pieces of paper into a hat, one reading exile and the other reading marriage. Later that day, the peasant overheard the king both pieces of paper would read exile, thus ensuring that the peasant would be out of his way for good. The peasant remained undaunted and, as arranged, arrived at the king's court where a large crowd gathered for the big event, The peasant then did something that assured him the hand of the king's daughter. What did he do?

5. What five letter word does every Harvard graduate pronounce wrong?

Hope you have fun trying to figure these ones out! ;-)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Cassidy's Trick

My dog can do the trick where you find the ball under the cup. (Sort of.) I thought it was interesting, so I decided to post it!


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Weird?

I have always heard that no one is perfect and that there is something weird about everyone. I have always known that I have about eight ankles and that I can touch my right pointer finger to the back of my hand, (Which is weird!) but I just recently found out that I am the only person at my table in school who can sit in a "meditative position". (That would be the reason why I have to be the guru in our skit about Buddhism. Oh joy!!) I can also make a weird clover shape out of my tongue. Apparently I'm weird all around!

Me and my eight ankles. It's like this on both feet.

When I pull the skin on my foot, it looks like this. After we got my ankles x-rayed, we found out that everyone has the same bones as me, I just have more skin so that they can be seen better when I flex my foot. The story of why we got them x-rayed was that when we were at the doctors' office, my mom told me to show the doctor my ankles. He laughed, looked at them, and kindly suggested that we get them x-rayed. In other words, he thought my ankles were very abnormal.

As my mom said, "That's NOT NORMAL!!"

My "Meditative" Position

This is my funky clover tongue thing that my parents thought was so weird. Then, my dad tried it, realized he could do it, and denied that he could do it because he thought if he addmitted it then it would make him a sort of a freak. (Like me!) :-)

As you can see, unlike other people, I don't just asume that there is something weird about me. I am positive that there are many abnormal things that I can do. :-)

Monday, February 9, 2009

Brain Teasers

I was trying to think of a post to write and decided to write one about brain teasers. If you have the answers, you can email them to me at julander@cox.net or leave a comment on this post.

1. I am a man. If Jason's son is my sons father, what relationship am I to Jason?

2. A black dog stands in the middle of an intersection painted black. None of the street lights are working due to a power failure caused by a local storm. A car with two broken headlights drives toward the dog, but turns in time to avoid hitting him. Without moonlight, how could the driver have seen the dog in time?

3. In Duncan's cottage, where the temperature is below freezing, there was a newspaper, a fireplace, some kindling, and a kerosene lamp. What should he light first?

4. Professor Phil was motoring along leisurely when he realized he was late for a lecture. He took the next corner on two wheels right in front of a policeman. The policeman made no effort to pull him over. How could Professor Phil get away with such driving habits?

5. Forward I'm heavy, backwards I'm not. What am I?

Creative Puns

I just got an email from some relatives in Utah and thought I'd let you in on some of the funnier parts of it. Here goes!


CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED" MINDS


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too
much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan
island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. A man watched the sunset and wondered where the
sun had gone. Then it dawned on him

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got
a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was
cited for littering

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
banana.

10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the
hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here;
I'll go on a head.'

11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
'Keep off the Grass.'

13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken
to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to
ask how he was, a nurse said 'No change yet.'

14. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.

16. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

Photoshop Fun

My mom just got Photoshop and has been messing around with it. These are some of my favorite photos that she's done.



This is my favorite picture that my mom has done.


This is me wrapped in... PLASTIC WRAP!!!!!


This type of picture is called Fresco.


My sister wrapped in plastic wrap.


My sister in black and white.

Happy Birthday Aunt Me Me

Happy, Happy Birthday!! May all your dreams come true! I hope you like this birthday cake, I got it just for you!

Webfetti.com